Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
