All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
