Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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