At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
