After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
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hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
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I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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