Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
