I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Who died my cat blue again?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
