My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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