Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Randomize
