my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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