I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
