You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
