Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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