if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You don't make any sense
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