Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
