I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize