this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
