There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
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If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
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I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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