so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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