i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
