whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
