I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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