He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
