I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
