Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Blood and glitter go together right?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
