dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
