My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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