we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
