I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
