I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize