You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
