btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
