so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
