He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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