I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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