White coat. Heels.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
