god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
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I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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