there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
