We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
