my sisters under your porch take her home
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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