I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
