This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
