Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
