Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Ketchup is God's man juice
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
