video games are the ultimate cock blocker
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
