It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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