Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
