just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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