I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
