There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize