Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she smelled like a LAN party
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
