I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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