I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
