if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
