You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
