There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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