i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
