i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
