why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
