i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
