3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
