Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
