ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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