This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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