All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
