yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
