Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
