i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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