btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
