i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
