fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
